Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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