someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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