I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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