You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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