So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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