Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
