Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
