Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
