My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
