had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
