honey bunches of taint.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
