wanna go halves on a baby?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just tell him i said nine months
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
