I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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