So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I bet he comes in French.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
