I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize