I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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