I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
