I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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