1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
