If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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