Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
