Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
