Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
