we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
