I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
