well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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