Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
