he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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