did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
