Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
