i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
