Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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