My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
