I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
