do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
