would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
