I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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