I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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