i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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