Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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