I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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