you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
