ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
