I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
50% drunk capacity currently
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
