dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You are the jesus of drinking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
