I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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