I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had to cum in my sink.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
