This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
