Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
