The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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