the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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