I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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