I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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