arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
