Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
