Your tits are I can't wait for
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize