The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
