dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
