i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
