just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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