This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
