I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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