that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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