Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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