he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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