I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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